i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
