My hand turned me down
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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