We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
