foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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