Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
