Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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