every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
