I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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