hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
