I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
