Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
