New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
