I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize