Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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