fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
