Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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