i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
