I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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