He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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