i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i drank out of a bidet.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
