I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
