I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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