Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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