apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
