I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
