he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
