I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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