Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
