My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So much rum. So many feels.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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