he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
