I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
