guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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