I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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