just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
