So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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