So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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