they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
