Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
