Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
