The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
And then he peed in my hair
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