It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
