He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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