The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
