After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
