Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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