In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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