Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
