Swine flu. Run for my life!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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