I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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