I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
