Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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