do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize