If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
