OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
