hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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