I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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