my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
