so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
