How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
