One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
