And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
