Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
