bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
