Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
