the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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