My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
