I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
