i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
