i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
