im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
